[Part 28] Forums, Confessions & Needs

[Note: I don't think I can post very much of the content here on the web due to copyright issues and respect of privacy.]

(November 11, 2009)

I was finally accepted into the livinghope.com forums!

One of the first really good things I've read was this:
(imaginary link to nothing, sorry)

It's strange but I feel like even in the short time I've been home, roughly two weeks or more, I've already got my head wrapped around this whole struggle I have with homosexuality.

I've immersed myself in all the latest research and teaching and have sort of formed a holistic theology out of the pieces.

It's really been a fight against the mystery that the darkness had established in my life. I was groping around in the dark with no direction or hope. But God has brought light into my situation and illuminated this battleground for my soul.


(November 15, 2009)

(The annual Urban Missions for my city) was this past weekend and it was great in a sense that God revealed many very small but practical pieces of truth in my life. I'm finally comfortable/excited to live in my community here at home. (This was very comforting for me after being a with Youth With A Mission for over 8 months and feeling very unsure whether or not I'd be able to re-integrate back into my hometown.)

Very real confession:

Sometimes I wish I could've had a few years of full exploration into the homosexual lifestyle before I had to come to terms with my sinful nature.

I realize that's pretty much the worst thing ever to admit but I'm just trying to work on the honesty part so I can actually figure out the real roots of all these disgusting fruit that are popping up in my life-tree still.

Reading all the blogs of these other Christians struggling with SSA has caused me to fantasize quite a bit about having "relations" with them. I've sort of excused their soft-porn stories as “testimonies” and it's been to my detriment.

Man, I need the physical touch and love of a godly, straight guy in my life.

Maybe (Phoenix) can be that for me? Or perhaps I should just focus on (Theo) for now? I still have yet to attend this magical “house church” though so one step at a time...


(November 16, 2009)

The life of a sensitive boy...

Attention
Affirmation
Affection

I need them all...