[Part 5] Continental Shift

(September 6, 2009)

I found myself almost immediately checking out all the great looking guys in the US and also the guys from Europe. (The country I just left) was definitely a blessing in that regard. There weren't a lot of great looking guys I had to deal with. I managed to make it through the whole flight without too much of a fight. I purposely avoided the Chatnum Tanning film, Fight, just because of his shirtless body (although I watched the trailer rather gleefully). But there was also a scene in Sunshine Cleaning that caught me off guard. Definitely a lot of ass in that film.

Overall, I don't want to be prematurely optimistic but I feel like there's been less and less of a struggle with SSsA (same-sex sexual attractions). Part of that change comes from not seeing any real porn this year, except for the one slip right before YWAM.

Also, knowing that it's helped "Growing into Manhood" with his struggles pushes me to work on my own same-sex emotion deficit problems. Turning my attraction from sexual to emotional seems really weird and still just as gay but I think it's way healthier than the alternative. I want some manly hugs, spending time together and just being able to share openly about all the things I'm struggling with right now alone in my head.

No man is an island. No man is a life raft. No man can save himself.

Help isn't only appreciated, it's necessary. Required, in fact.

Why are we so busy drowning alone instead of keeping each other afloat?

I need to open my eyes to those suffering, dying and drowning around me. Those just within arm's reach that I can save. There's so many if only I would extend my hand!

Now that I'm here in (this new country and continent) I have to own up on all the promises I've made with myself. No more masturbation, no more entertaining fantasies. Time to bounce my eyes or, at the very least, train my mind to view other men as emotional brothers.

“to the person who struggles with certain temptations, he needs an outpouring of the Holy Spirit in the gifts of the Spirit; self-control.”