[Part 9] When Kings Stay Home

(October 3, 2009)

Just like when King David stayed home and got bored, I woke up this morning and started screwing around instead of getting up and active.

Boredom leads to stupid stuff.

So I jacked off this morning, there was a little gay fantasy at first but eventually it became based entirely on the physical pleasure.

The worst thing is God continually gives me chances to make a different decision. Right when I was going for the bathroom (one of the girls in the house) came down stairs and used it. Instead of letting go, I just decided to wait it out. I had already committed/made up my mind.

How do I get to the point where I'm able to actually turn in the opposite direction?
(I believe it's called repentance, no?)

I know I need the empowering of the Holy Spirit, first thing in the morning, Every day!
I think there's also still some sort of false promise I'm buying into from Satan's lies.

The truth:
Fleeting physical pleasure pails in comparison to the purity and righteous found when I walk in obedience to Christ.

So, each and every day, I have to decide if those few brief seconds are worth the long-lasting effects on my relationship with God, with others and with my future wife.