I just adjusted my computer to something close to (my new country's) current time. It's 8:22pm and I'm attempting to be alone in the midst of this large group. This file has quickly transitioned into my un-official journal for all things dealing with my SSsA (same-sex sexual addiction) struggles, a termed coined from my soon-to-be online mentor and friend.
Living in community seems to be diametrically opposed to keeping secrets and dealing with things on your own. I'm in the process of finding out if that's the way God intended it to be or not. My Western upbringing tells me that I should be entitled to my own private life, separate from the group.
But even as I think about what I've just typed I'm reminded of Adam's relationship with God in the Garden of Eden. There was a complete freedom of truth in their relationship. Adam was fully exposed before God in every aspect of his life, including thoughts, and it was perfect in the beginning.
It's the Fall that brought about fragmentation, fear, separation, doubt, rejection, and pain. So I guess that means there's a better alternative to the separation I'm experiencing right now. If I wasn't afraid of judgment and ensnared in lies then I should have been seeking relationships for processing on this healing journey.
Timing has been rough for my new online friendship. But I'm continually reminded and grateful for God's perfect, intentional timing. If this is when it happened there must be a reason for it. Who am I to complain?
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